This is what went well ...

You. Me. Us.

A year ago this evening, New Year’s Eve, I lay curled up in bed where I had been for several days and nights. I was filled with despair for Earth, its peoples, its future and anger at myself for not having done enough, said enough, rebelled enough to make a difference. I had little desire to keep trading air for breath and fell back to ruminating on the plans I’d tucked away so many times before, unused, safe, ready. My heart wouldn’t just stop on its own.

A couple of weeks later, likely still alive only because of medication prescribed by my physician, I opened my computer and wrote to you. I’ve no idea why I suddenly thought that was a good idea after having no communication with anyone other than a very, very few people for over a year as I struggled with multiple physical, emotional, and cognitive issues. I did it without having planned to do so. I did it without telling Scott, my partner, that I was doing it or, afterward, that I had. It was spontaneous. And it was good.

This New Year’s Eve, I am glad to be here. And glad to be able to tell you that I am. You were patient waiting for my second entry and then stayed with me as I wrote my thoughts out over the last few months. I am grateful. Thank you for being here with me and for being willing to hold my heart, my words, my railing against the world, and my passion for all it holds.

Colouring, New Year’s Eve 2022.

Each night, I write in a gratitude journal and have filled several of them over the last many years, continuing the practice as best I could during my long illness. I begin with a WWW: What Went Well. That is followed with three things for which I am grateful that are mostly tied to that day and then a final one that is more universal in nature.

And so for this year:

What Went Well: Reaching out and finding that there were many there who were ready to help, to embrace, to encourage, and welcome.

I am grateful for:

Becoming well over this year with the help of so many - my en-coeur-aging friends who are fierce in their love for me; my therapist, Ariel Blau, who has always spoken truth to me or pointed out truth I’ve spoken myself but not yet heard, and who has cajoled me into growth I didn’t think was mine to do and helped me to find the deep places within me that needed honesty, love, and healing; and my physician, Dr. Sundus Ozair, who is now helping me safely get off the medication that saved my life a year ago.

My partner, Scott, who has brought the best of himself to every face I have shown him, an act of incredible courage. For the laughter that rings through our home every single day and the joy he brings my heart. I am so fortunate to be sharing this Next Year with him.

My community. Here. At West Hill. In my neighbourhood. Online. Every single voice that speaks truth to power. I am so grateful for all the love and work being done close to home and around the world

My more universal gratitude this year must be for life itself, fragile and resilient as I know it to be.

May your coming year be one of growth, love, and wellness as you fall over and over again in the richness of life in these wild and turbulent times

Prayer Ribbons at West Hill United.